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Who Am I? A Journey to Rediscovering the True Self

Writer's picture: lucluc

Updated: Jan 29



A person peeling away layers draped in flowing fabric stands against a backdrop of abstract blue waves and a bright horizon, evoking a serene and contemplative mood.
A person stands amidst flowing layers, symbolically removing them to reveal a serene, transformative essence.

Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's life? Like the person you think you are isn’t really you? I used to feel that way too. I blamed others, avoided responsibility, and expected someone else to fill the emptiness inside me. But the truth is, the only person who could change my life was me. And it all started with one question: Who am I?

This question has followed me throughout my life, and even now, as I approach my 44th birthday, it continues to shape my journey. Looking back, I see how much of my life was spent wearing masks, suppressing emotions, and trying to fit into societal expectations. But the more I tried to conform, the more disconnected I felt from my true self.


The Early Years: A Sensitive Soul in a Tough World


As a child, I identified as an emotional boy. I cried often, and while my parents loved me, they punished me when I didn’t behave as they wanted. My emotional nature made me feel misunderstood, and I often found myself alone. At school, my male classmates avoided me because of my sensitivity, so I gravitated toward female friends. One of them, a girl who lived across the street, became my safe space. With her, I could be myself, and we shared many adventures.

But even with her friendship, I often felt isolated. I vividly remember sitting alone on the school playground, crying with my head between my knees, overwhelmed by the feeling that no one truly understood me. This pattern of feeling misunderstood and suppressing my emotions followed me into high school. Around the age of 16, I created a "safe space" in my mind—a place where I could process my emotions privately. I also began to suppress my tears, influenced by the societal belief that "men don’t cry." I wore a mask to hide my emotions, but inside, I was still the same sensitive soul.


Love, Loss, and the Weight of Expectations


At 19, I fell in love for the first time. She was my trainer at a pizza place where I worked, and we were together for a while. But my sister didn’t approve of her and created tension within our family. Eventually, our relationship ended, and I was heartbroken. I cried every evening for months, trying to process the pain of loss. This was a recurring theme in my life—feeling deeply, suppressing emotions, and struggling to move forward.

Later, during my time in the army, I met another girlfriend. We got engaged, and she became pregnant. But life had other plans. Her pregnancy ended tragically, and on the same day, I learned that my grandmother had passed away. To make matters worse, my mother was hospitalized, and I felt torn between being with my girlfriend and supporting my family. That day left a deep scar on my psyche. I remember crying on the bus, barely able to breathe, feeling like my world was falling apart.

These experiences taught me how much I had been suppressing my emotions. I had created a "safe space" in my mind to protect myself, but it also kept me from fully processing my pain. I carried this emotional burden with me, even as I moved to a new country and started a new chapter in my life.


The Turning Point: Taking Responsibility


For years, I lived in a cycle of pain, loss, and self-blame. I played the victim, believing that life was happening to me rather than for me. But eventually, I realized that the only way to break free was to take responsibility for my life. I had to face my emotions, let go of the past, and stop blaming others for my circumstances.

This shift didn’t happen overnight. It required deep self-reflection, inner work, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. I began to see patterns in my life—similar situations repeating themselves with different people. This made me question whether my unresolved emotions and beliefs were shaping my reality. I started to believe in the idea of karma—not necessarily as a spiritual concept, but as a way to understand how my choices and actions were influencing my life.


The Role of Society: Breaking Free from Conditioning


Society often categorizes us—by nationality, profession, or even by the illnesses we face. These labels may help us navigate the world, but they rarely reflect the truth of who we are. Many of us feel lost because we’ve been taught to follow the crowd, to seek happiness in external achievements, and to suppress our individuality. But this disconnection from our true self leads to frustration, depression, and a sense that something is missing.

I experienced this firsthand during my time in the army and while living abroad. As a Polish man, I was often stereotyped as unintelligent or aggressive. I worked hard to show a different side of myself, but it was exhausting. I realized that societal labels and expectations were just another layer of conditioning that I needed to break free from.


The Journey to Self-Discovery


The turning point in my life came when I stopped looking for happiness outside of myself and started listening to my inner voice. I began to see my mind as a garden, filled with seeds planted by my family, culture, and society. Some of these seeds grew into beautiful flowers, but others became weeds that choked my true self. The question "Who am I?" became my gardener’s tool, helping me clear away the weeds and uncover the real me.

I also started investing in myself—reading books, attending courses, and learning about the human body and mind. As a personal trainer, I saw how many people carried physical and emotional pain, and I wanted to help them heal. This led me to explore methods like The Inherited Release Method, Brain Coach Certification and PDT-R, which deepened my understanding of how trauma and emotions affect the body.


Living Authentically: A Life You Don’t Need to Escape From


Through this journey, I’ve learned that true happiness comes from living in alignment with your authentic self. It’s not about rejecting society or the systems around us, but about finding your own unique way of being within them. When you stop chasing external distractions and start listening to your inner voice, you can create a life that feels like a constant vacation—a life you don’t need to escape from.

Taking responsibility for your life is the first step toward freedom. It’s about moving from being a conditioned version of yourself to becoming the creator of your own reality. As I like to say, "Life is about moving from conditioned to conditioner." When you take ownership of your life, you can create a reality that aligns with your true self.


Your Journey Starts Here


The journey to uncover your true self is one of the most rewarding paths you can take. It’s not always easy—it requires courage, self-reflection, and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths. But the rewards are worth it. You’ll find a life of fulfillment, joy, and authenticity waiting for you.

So, I leave you with this question: Who are you? Be honest, be curious, and be patient. The answers may not come all at once, but with time and self-reflection, you’ll begin to uncover the truth of who you are. And when you do, you’ll realize that everything you’ve been searching for has been within you all along.


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