I decided to write this post because my own journey has been a testament to the challenges and rewards of emotional healing and personal growth. Like many men, I didn’t experience a true initiation into manhood. Even though I served in the military for several months at the age of 23, I didn’t feel like it transformed me into a mature man.
The military taught me independence, but when I returned to civilian life, I realized that not much had changed for me personally. I was still suppressing my emotions, clinging to the societal belief that “men don’t cry.” This suppression led me to project my unresolved emotions onto others, acting from a place of hurt and immaturity. I was blind to the fact that I was the one creating my own life experiences.

The Role of Shadow Immature Archetypes in My Journey
Looking back, I can see how the shadow immature archetypes were influencing my life and keeping me stuck in immaturity. These archetypes, as described in King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, represent the darker, unbalanced sides of our psyche when we fail to mature emotionally.
For me, two archetypes were especially dominant:
The Mama’s Boy (Shadow of the Lover):This archetype showed up in my emotional dependency and my tendency to seek quick fixes to fill the void inside me. I avoided facing my inner pain and instead clung to unhealthy patterns, hoping they would bring me comfort.
The Weakling Prince (Shadow of the Hero):This archetype kept me stuck in fear and avoidance. I lacked the courage to take responsibility for my life and often chose passivity over action. I was afraid of what would happen if I truly matured, so I stayed in my comfort zone, living on autopilot.
At times, the Trickster (Shadow of the Magician) also emerged, leading me to moments of self-sabotage. I didn’t even realize I was sabotaging myself because I lacked the awareness to see what was happening. The Trickster kept me from doing the inner work I so desperately needed, and I didn’t even know that something like this archetype existed.
Finally, the High Chair Tyrant (Shadow of the Divine Child) was present in my life as well. This archetype showed up in my tendency to blame others for my problems and create unnecessary drama. It was easier to point fingers at others than to take responsibility for my own actions.
Accepting My Feminine Side
A crucial part of my journey was learning to accept and integrate the feminine side of myself. For much of my life, I had internalized the societal belief that qualities like vulnerability, emotional expression, and intuition—often associated with the feminine—were signs of weakness. I suppressed these parts of myself, convinced that strength, dominance, and independence were the only markers of true masculinity.
In my search to embody these toxic qualities of masculinity—often referred to as the "alpha male" or "macho" persona—I began to project a false image of myself to the outside world. I wore what I now recognize as a shadow mask, pretending to be someone I wasn’t in an attempt to prove my masculinity.
But this mask, along with the beliefs I clung to, left me feeling empty and disconnected—not only from myself but also from the people around me. By rejecting my feminine side, I was rejecting a vital part of my humanity. I denied myself the ability to feel deeply, to connect authentically with others, and to nurture both myself and my relationships.
It wasn’t until I began my journey of self-discovery that I started to understand the true power of the feminine within. A turning point came when I read Robert Johnson’s book He, She, It: Deals with the Enigma of the Heavenly Woman and the Lying Male. One quote, in particular, struck me deeply:
"Men in their arrogance will tell you of how they have evolved from animals through the power of sex. They genuinely think that it's strength, possessions, and dominance that bring them happiness. But this is not so, happiness is feminine in the man—a feeling quality and genuinely mysterious to him. Without a good masculinity, a man is weak, ineffective, and useless, but it's a femininity that inspires his strength, meaning, and value. The more a man is in inner harmony with his feminine nature, the easier it will be to be on good terms with the exterior woman in his life. Without being in touch with his inner feminine, a man is an impotent being of light, stripping his energy through the world without any creativity, substance, and essence."
This quote helped me see that happiness, creativity, and meaning come from embracing the feminine within. It’s not a weakness—it’s a source of inspiration, balance, and strength. Without this inner harmony, I was like a hollow shell, constantly striving for external validation but never feeling fulfilled.
By accepting my feminine side, I found the courage to face my emotions, connect with others on a deeper level, and nurture my creativity. This integration didn’t make me less of a man—it made me a stronger, more complete human being. It also transformed my relationships with the women in my life. No longer was I projecting my unresolved inner struggles onto them. Instead, I could meet them with authenticity, respect, and understanding.
This topic is something I plan to expand on more broadly in the near future because I see it as part of what I call the Feminine Wound. It’s a wound that so many men carry, often without realizing it, and it’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about helping others through my work. In today’s modern world, so much suffering stems from neglecting inner work. Instead, we rely on outer distractions—like sports or other quick fixes—to mask the pain. But true healing comes from within, and I’m committed to guiding others on that journey.
Breaking Free from the Shadows
Recognizing these shadow archetypes was a crucial step in my journey. They helped me understand why I was stuck in cycles of immaturity and self-sabotage. Once I became aware of these patterns, I could begin the process of healing and transformation.
The Cycle of Immaturity
We’re often taught to look outside ourselves for answers instead of within. Because of this, I found myself stuck in a cycle of abuse and self-sabotage. The actors in my life changed, but the patterns remained the same.
Sometimes I was violent, other times passive—both were ways to avoid facing my inner pain. Looking back, I can see that my inner child was scared, feeling unworthy and lacking the courage to face life’s challenges.
My suppressed emotions found their way out through my shadow self, manifesting as bad behaviors like:
Playing the victim.
Creating unnecessary drama.
Blaming others for my problems.
Taking responsibility for my life wasn’t even an option I considered—it was easier to point fingers at others or at life itself.
Deep down, I was afraid of what would happen if I matured. My life was unstable, and I sought quick fixes to fill the void and maintain my state of immaturity. I was living on autopilot, reacting to life instead of responding with intention.
The Turning Point
When I turned 35, I had enough. I realized that if I wanted my life to change, I had to change myself. This was the beginning of my self-initiation into mature masculinity.
I started by embodying the archetype of The Warrior. I hit the gym, transforming my body and lifestyle from a “couch potato” to being in shape within six months. This newfound discipline gave me the courage to show my body to others and keep pushing forward.
At the same time, I began working on my inner self. I read Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, which helped me shift my self-image. Slowly, my inner Lover was born. I found myself passionate and connected to my inner self for the first time.
Building a New Life
With this newfound passion, I stepped out of my comfort zone and created my first business, "Future You". The name was inspired by the quote from Sean Patrick Flanery:“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.”
I was terrified of what others might say about me, but I embraced the courage of The Warrior and decided I didn’t care anymore. My inner Magician emerged as I transformed myself and began helping others do the same. I became a personal trainer, and my first business, FutureU.biz Personal Training, became a reality.
Even though I had no prior experience, my three years of personal transformation and fitness journey gave me the foundation I needed to help others. This was when my inner King took his place. I finally embodied leadership, not just for myself but for others.
The Journey Continues
The road to inner and outer stability is ongoing because, as the saying goes, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” I’m still learning and discovering new things about myself every day.
Looking back, I see that the path I started in 2018 was just the beginning of my transformation. It showed me how an immature man can embody masculinity and embrace the willingness to change both inside and out.
My goal now is to be a living example of what it means to be human. Inspired by my own life path, I want to help others find themselves again. I believe my new path as a Human Coach is my true life purpose. We’ve forgotten what it means to be human, and I want to help others rediscover it.
Want to Learn More?
If you’re interested in my journey, I encourage you to read the following posts:
Upcoming posts:
"The Archetypes of Mature Masculinity: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover"
"The Path Forward: Becoming a Human Coach and Helping Others"
Call-to-Action
If you’re feeling stuck or lost, know that change is possible. Start by reflecting on your own patterns and taking small steps toward growth.
👉 The journey to mature masculinity begins with you. Schedule a Healing & Growth Discovery Call today.
Disclaimer
This blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. It is meant to complement other health and wellness methods, not replace professional medical care. By implementing the suggestions in this blog, you acknowledge that you are doing so voluntarily and take full responsibility for your health and well-being.
Comments